i pride myself on never cussing. to most people, i'm known as the good little girl. (well, except with tgs). whenever people cuss, i slap at them and in a whiny voice go, "stop itttttttt!" or "i'm going to wash your mouth out with soap". of course, this never stops them. in fact, it makes them cuss more. but anyways, the point is, i pride myself on never cussing. but in this case, let me tell you, i must make an exception.
because i gotta say:
fuck you colleges.
fuck you for not looking beyond my gpa!
fuck you for lying about your "holistic approach" to admissions. holistic my ass! then why do all the boring kids with 4.0s get in?
fuck you for not realizing that people make mistakes, but aren't defined by them! in fact, it should show that they can change and work hard for what they want!
fuck you for not accepting my friends, who are way more qualified than the dipshits that you let in. i hope you're happy when they succeed in life and all the dumbasses you graduate still live at home! (true fact: obama got rejected from ucla.)
fuck you for lowering my self-esteem to the point where i feel like a piece of gum on the bottom of someone's shoe.
fuck you for sending out pathetic rejection letters like, "we are sure you will succeed in life..." ..shut the fuck up! just say you don't want me!
and finally:
fuck you for being so fucking stupid.
whew. that felt good.
okay. back to not cussing anymore :)
thanks to all my friends who comforted me <3>
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
skipped school (so r-e-b-e-l, i knowww) and went to santa barbara today with christina, grace, and sherry! i love my older former-OIC seeesterssss. we went to a cute danish village and then visited ucsb! it's a nice campus right by the beach. i wouldn't say that its ucsd status yet though!
i was seriously convinced about going to ucsb. why? let me show you:
two words: BEACH. CRUISERS. these are truly the cutest bikes in the world. there were racks of them at ucsb: beautiful bold colors; teal green, sea green, sky blue, cherry red, pink, bright yellow...deliciousss!i imagine myself in high waisted shorts, flowy shirt, sunglasses and flipflops; biking to the beach with wind in my hair.
...
and that's when i remember that i applied as a political science major.
but as of right now, the only reason i want to go to ucsb is because of the bikes.
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Thursday, March 26, 2009
i wish i worked harder in high school.
i wish i worked harder in high school.
i wish i worked harder in high school.
i wish i applied to some different schools.
i wish i could present myself as a different applicant.
i wish i could not cry about college decisions.
if i could turn back time, i would do it in a heartbeat.
rejection hurts.
but it hurts more because i know it was my doing.
i wish i worked harder in high school.
i wish i worked harder in high school.
i wish i applied to some different schools.
i wish i could present myself as a different applicant.
i wish i could not cry about college decisions.
if i could turn back time, i would do it in a heartbeat.
rejection hurts.
but it hurts more because i know it was my doing.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
oh, college college collegessss. how you have humbled me and broken me down. i guess i thought i was invincible. now nothing, i repeat nothing, is sure.
next year, this time i could be
-chilling on the beach at ucsd as a international studies major
-playing ultimate frisbee on the lawns of william and mary/uva/whatever east coast school (althought that chance is honestly diminshing with every day)
-at kansas city hangin' out with God on the Onething internship
-working in brooklyn, newyork as a metro minstries intern
oh gosh. lately, i have been going through these intense mood swings. one minute i feel that the world is within my grasp; that the next morning the sun will rise and happiness will come. college can wait. the world can wait. my personal dreams and desires cannot; and so what if it takes a little time before I see the gates of an institution of education once more?
and there are times when i feel chilled to the bone; i surf college websites for hours upon hours; i wince at the clanging of my empty mailbox. i feel like i don't have the strength to be different.
a few more weeks. then we'll see.
next year, this time i could be
-chilling on the beach at ucsd as a international studies major
-playing ultimate frisbee on the lawns of william and mary/uva/whatever east coast school (althought that chance is honestly diminshing with every day)
-at kansas city hangin' out with God on the Onething internship
-working in brooklyn, newyork as a metro minstries intern
oh gosh. lately, i have been going through these intense mood swings. one minute i feel that the world is within my grasp; that the next morning the sun will rise and happiness will come. college can wait. the world can wait. my personal dreams and desires cannot; and so what if it takes a little time before I see the gates of an institution of education once more?
and there are times when i feel chilled to the bone; i surf college websites for hours upon hours; i wince at the clanging of my empty mailbox. i feel like i don't have the strength to be different.
a few more weeks. then we'll see.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
i'm going to take a watermelon, write every college that rejected me on it, and then drop it off a roof.
thanks david.
something to look forward to.
i just read someone's blog.
it surprised me and shocked me.
i love it when i discover that people have hidden depth that only comes out through typed/written words. or maybe its not hidden. maybe i just don't see it.
i feel bad for judging you! it's one of my faults.
sorry for not helping you when i could have. but i think now its too late.
i liked this person's blog because it was INTENSELY private content, but yet they made it public anyway. i mean, who cares what people see and read and think? that's real courage.
they wrote a lot about a relationship they had.
i'm really tired of writing little trite sentences. i write these for two reasons: i don't want to reveal all, and i somehow think brevity=deep; profound. not true. that's why east of eden was a billion pages long. and why there were 3 volumes of lord of the rings.
so basically, i'm going to write about how i feel about a relationship i just ended.
i'm not good at poetry, but i am good at ranting.
mad: i really am not kidding when i say this whole thing is stupid. it really is. you were one of my best friends. i'm mad that you took that away from me.
annoyed: your stubborness is annoying. i feel like you enjoy playing the martyr. and thanks for defriending me on facebook. was that really necessary?
now i know its reallllllllly over. (that was a healthy dose of sarcasm and spite)
sad: did i mention that you were one of my best friends? sometimes i find myself wanting to tell you about something that happened, something that i need advice on or is just really cool and i want to share and have you smile at me. and then i realize that you're not there anymore. i wish i knew where you were going to college.
bitter: at this point, i hope you never get over me. (i always was a bitter girl, you said so yourself)
humor: NONE. i don't see why you find this all so funny. its really not. ( i should file this under annoyed too.)
embarrassed: i know it was mostly my fault.
whatever. i've gone on with my life and so have you.
but just you wait.
we will talk before the end of the year.
thanks david.
something to look forward to.
i just read someone's blog.
it surprised me and shocked me.
i love it when i discover that people have hidden depth that only comes out through typed/written words. or maybe its not hidden. maybe i just don't see it.
i feel bad for judging you! it's one of my faults.
sorry for not helping you when i could have. but i think now its too late.
i liked this person's blog because it was INTENSELY private content, but yet they made it public anyway. i mean, who cares what people see and read and think? that's real courage.
they wrote a lot about a relationship they had.
i'm really tired of writing little trite sentences. i write these for two reasons: i don't want to reveal all, and i somehow think brevity=deep; profound. not true. that's why east of eden was a billion pages long. and why there were 3 volumes of lord of the rings.
so basically, i'm going to write about how i feel about a relationship i just ended.
i'm not good at poetry, but i am good at ranting.
mad: i really am not kidding when i say this whole thing is stupid. it really is. you were one of my best friends. i'm mad that you took that away from me.
annoyed: your stubborness is annoying. i feel like you enjoy playing the martyr. and thanks for defriending me on facebook. was that really necessary?
now i know its reallllllllly over. (that was a healthy dose of sarcasm and spite)
sad: did i mention that you were one of my best friends? sometimes i find myself wanting to tell you about something that happened, something that i need advice on or is just really cool and i want to share and have you smile at me. and then i realize that you're not there anymore. i wish i knew where you were going to college.
bitter: at this point, i hope you never get over me. (i always was a bitter girl, you said so yourself)
humor: NONE. i don't see why you find this all so funny. its really not. ( i should file this under annoyed too.)
embarrassed: i know it was mostly my fault.
whatever. i've gone on with my life and so have you.
but just you wait.
we will talk before the end of the year.
FML. everyone has been saying that these days. it's not true, of course.
that doesn't mean i haven't been saying it like crazyyy these past few days.
i was going to post something uber deep and philosophical. like david asked me why my blogspot id name was thethousandth girl. i was just going to post up this nice little poem by kipling:
One man in a thousand,
Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it's worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine nundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin you.
Now that i think of it, I <3 my friends. Thanks TGS for being my thousandth girls. i hope i'm the thousandth girl for you guys too.
okay but back to my rant.
I AM SO TENSE. SERIOUSLY. FML
STUPID IRVINE. JUST GET BACK TO ME. I DON'T CARE IF I DON'T GET IN, JUST EFFING TELL ME, YOU INCOMPETENT FOOLS. I HATE ROLLING ADMISSIONS.
NYU, EFF YOU ALSO. WHY DO YOU SEND OUT STUPID LITTLE POSTCARDS THAT INVITE PEOPLE TO EVENTS FOR ADMITTED STUDENTS WHEN YOU DIDNT EVEN SEND THEM THE OFFICIAL LETTER OF ACCEPTANCE? AND THEN SAY THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO GET AN INVITE IN ORDER TO BE ACCEPTED? WHAT THE HELL. I SWEAR YOU DO THIS TO SCREW WITH MY HEAD! AND WHY DON'T YOU TELLS HOW ADMISSIONS ARE SENT OUT? ROLLING? RANDOM? BY COLLEGE? MAJOR? EFF YOU!
UNC CHAPEL HILL, EFF YOU THE MOST! GOSH! I'M GOING TO AN EFFING DISGRACE IN FRONT OF MY COUSINS NOW! THANKS A LOT!
ALL MY OTHER COLLEGES: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? FOR JESUS TO COME?
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
that doesn't mean i haven't been saying it like crazyyy these past few days.
i was going to post something uber deep and philosophical. like david asked me why my blogspot id name was thethousandth girl. i was just going to post up this nice little poem by kipling:
One man in a thousand,
Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it's worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine nundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin you.
Now that i think of it, I <3 my friends. Thanks TGS for being my thousandth girls. i hope i'm the thousandth girl for you guys too.
okay but back to my rant.
I AM SO TENSE. SERIOUSLY. FML
STUPID IRVINE. JUST GET BACK TO ME. I DON'T CARE IF I DON'T GET IN, JUST EFFING TELL ME, YOU INCOMPETENT FOOLS. I HATE ROLLING ADMISSIONS.
NYU, EFF YOU ALSO. WHY DO YOU SEND OUT STUPID LITTLE POSTCARDS THAT INVITE PEOPLE TO EVENTS FOR ADMITTED STUDENTS WHEN YOU DIDNT EVEN SEND THEM THE OFFICIAL LETTER OF ACCEPTANCE? AND THEN SAY THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO GET AN INVITE IN ORDER TO BE ACCEPTED? WHAT THE HELL. I SWEAR YOU DO THIS TO SCREW WITH MY HEAD! AND WHY DON'T YOU TELLS HOW ADMISSIONS ARE SENT OUT? ROLLING? RANDOM? BY COLLEGE? MAJOR? EFF YOU!
UNC CHAPEL HILL, EFF YOU THE MOST! GOSH! I'M GOING TO AN EFFING DISGRACE IN FRONT OF MY COUSINS NOW! THANKS A LOT!
ALL MY OTHER COLLEGES: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? FOR JESUS TO COME?
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
i'm sitting here at my computer, watching my cute caramel cat slumbering peacefully on my bed.
his greatest talent seems to be sleeping. all the comfortable nooks in our house bear prints of his fat body.
my dad always loudly reprimands danny (my cat) when he sees him curled up and snoozing.
but today i realized that sometimes it is good to have a "cat day".
i have this deep aversion to vegetating at home. even when i'm exhausted, i'll never turn down someone's invite to go out to coffee or go to an event.
i purposely like to fill up my schedule to the brim. i suppose its to combat my insecurities about myself and the type of person i am.
but not too long ago, someone taught me the simple joy of just sitting on your bed and reading reading reading. or thinking thinking thinking. don't force yourself to do things. thanks for that. you may have not even known you taught me this, since you led by example.
so today was my first "cat day" in a while. i woke up, ate some cereal and french fries, read half of "Return of the King" under my fluffy covers, played Gofish with my sister, played Neopets with my sister (haha!) and then snuggled under the covers some more while watching the last 2 episodes of House. my cat accompanied me through all these activities, ensconced between my sheets. now my mom is coming home and we're going to all go out to dinner.
it's been a good day. a lazy, enjoyable day of sitting around and being still, ignoring the world that spins furiously outside.
it's been a good day.
his greatest talent seems to be sleeping. all the comfortable nooks in our house bear prints of his fat body.
my dad always loudly reprimands danny (my cat) when he sees him curled up and snoozing.
but today i realized that sometimes it is good to have a "cat day".
i have this deep aversion to vegetating at home. even when i'm exhausted, i'll never turn down someone's invite to go out to coffee or go to an event.
i purposely like to fill up my schedule to the brim. i suppose its to combat my insecurities about myself and the type of person i am.
but not too long ago, someone taught me the simple joy of just sitting on your bed and reading reading reading. or thinking thinking thinking. don't force yourself to do things. thanks for that. you may have not even known you taught me this, since you led by example.
so today was my first "cat day" in a while. i woke up, ate some cereal and french fries, read half of "Return of the King" under my fluffy covers, played Gofish with my sister, played Neopets with my sister (haha!) and then snuggled under the covers some more while watching the last 2 episodes of House. my cat accompanied me through all these activities, ensconced between my sheets. now my mom is coming home and we're going to all go out to dinner.
it's been a good day. a lazy, enjoyable day of sitting around and being still, ignoring the world that spins furiously outside.
it's been a good day.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
so i was looking at this video of kevjumba, this asian youtube comedian who's about my age.
i think i just had my first asian boycrush <3
but anyways, he mentioned that he went to william p. clement high school (in texas) so i looked it up on wikipedia.
at the bottom, there is a list of notable alumni.
Notable alumni:
Timothy Acklen - Convicted murderer[17][18][19]
Matt Albers - Major League Baseball pitcher, Baltimore Orioles.
Brandon Elledge - Murder victim[20][21][22]
James Garcia - Convicted murderer[23][24][25]
Ashton Glover - Murder victim[26][27][28]
Matthew McCombs - Convicted murderer[29][30][31]
Ryan Pontbriand - National Football League Long Snapper, Named to The 2008 Pro Bowl Cleveland Browns
Jon Schillaci - FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitive,[32], award winning poet[33]
Kevin Wu aka Kevjumba - Youtube Comedy Star - 2006 to Present
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA notable alumni indeed. we should all model our school after william p. clement high school. it's pretty obvious they're doing things right over there.
i think i just had my first asian boycrush <3
but anyways, he mentioned that he went to william p. clement high school (in texas) so i looked it up on wikipedia.
at the bottom, there is a list of notable alumni.
Notable alumni:
Timothy Acklen - Convicted murderer[17][18][19]
Matt Albers - Major League Baseball pitcher, Baltimore Orioles.
Brandon Elledge - Murder victim[20][21][22]
James Garcia - Convicted murderer[23][24][25]
Ashton Glover - Murder victim[26][27][28]
Matthew McCombs - Convicted murderer[29][30][31]
Ryan Pontbriand - National Football League Long Snapper, Named to The 2008 Pro Bowl Cleveland Browns
Jon Schillaci - FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitive,[32], award winning poet[33]
Kevin Wu aka Kevjumba - Youtube Comedy Star - 2006 to Present
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA notable alumni indeed. we should all model our school after william p. clement high school. it's pretty obvious they're doing things right over there.
Monday, March 2, 2009
on saturday night, starting at approximately 11:30 pm, i started my goal to rewatch the entire lord of the rings trilogy by the end of this week.
i'm currently in the middle of two towers.
sigh.
middle earth is so magical.
in a way, things would be so much simpler there!
i wish i could be there right now.
return of the king soon!
the scene with the lighting of the watchtowers=so epic!
i love lord of the rings.
bye!
i'm currently in the middle of two towers.
sigh.
middle earth is so magical.
in a way, things would be so much simpler there!
i wish i could be there right now.
return of the king soon!
the scene with the lighting of the watchtowers=so epic!
i love lord of the rings.
bye!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
ring of fire
i don't even know what to say.
but first of all, i want to say thank you.
i want you to know that.
thank you for teaching me more than any of my teachers at school have ever deigned to
thank you for being there for me, even when i wasn't there for you
thank you for making me laugh
thank you for even trying to understand who i am
and these all are reasons why i can't let go.
i can't be as subtle as you; word it as beautifully and tragically as you.
it truly hurts me that you would just rip me out of your life.
i understand your reasons behind it, but it doesn't give me an ounce of comfort.
how could this even happen?
i'm stunned.
but even now, (and i almost despise you for it) i'm learning:
to not force things. it either happens, or it doesn't.
be sure.
and the most important lesson: that you don't always get what you want; things don't always end the way you wish them to. i'm not talking about fairy-tale fantasies and dreams of castles; the reality of that hit me when i was about ten.
i'm talking about sleeping in the bed that you make. you can't have your cake and eat it too. underneath these sayings, the point is this: sometimes you just have to hurt. hurt so badly you can't breathe, even more so because you know that you could have prevented it; somehow.
this lesson is killing me.
but first of all, i want to say thank you.
i want you to know that.
thank you for teaching me more than any of my teachers at school have ever deigned to
thank you for being there for me, even when i wasn't there for you
thank you for making me laugh
thank you for even trying to understand who i am
and these all are reasons why i can't let go.
i can't be as subtle as you; word it as beautifully and tragically as you.
it truly hurts me that you would just rip me out of your life.
i understand your reasons behind it, but it doesn't give me an ounce of comfort.
how could this even happen?
i'm stunned.
but even now, (and i almost despise you for it) i'm learning:
to not force things. it either happens, or it doesn't.
be sure.
and the most important lesson: that you don't always get what you want; things don't always end the way you wish them to. i'm not talking about fairy-tale fantasies and dreams of castles; the reality of that hit me when i was about ten.
i'm talking about sleeping in the bed that you make. you can't have your cake and eat it too. underneath these sayings, the point is this: sometimes you just have to hurt. hurt so badly you can't breathe, even more so because you know that you could have prevented it; somehow.
this lesson is killing me.
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