i miss you, jerk.
that's all.

so i was looking at this video of kevjumba, this asian youtube comedian who's about my age.
i think i just had my first asian boycrush <3
but anyways, he mentioned that he went to william p. clement high school (in texas) so i looked it up on wikipedia.
at the bottom, there is a list of notable alumni.

Notable alumni:

Timothy Acklen - Convicted murderer[17][18][19]
Matt Albers - Major League Baseball pitcher, Baltimore Orioles.
Brandon Elledge - Murder victim[20][21][22]
James Garcia - Convicted murderer[23][24][25]
Ashton Glover - Murder victim[26][27][28]
Matthew McCombs - Convicted murderer[29][30][31]
Ryan Pontbriand - National Football League Long Snapper, Named to The 2008 Pro Bowl Cleveland Browns
Jon Schillaci - FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitive,[32], award winning poet[33]
Kevin Wu aka Kevjumba - Youtube Comedy Star - 2006 to Present

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA notable alumni indeed. we should all model our school after william p. clement high school. it's pretty obvious they're doing things right over there.

on saturday night, starting at approximately 11:30 pm, i started my goal to rewatch the entire lord of the rings trilogy by the end of this week.
i'm currently in the middle of two towers.
sigh.
middle earth is so magical.
in a way, things would be so much simpler there!
i wish i could be there right now.
return of the king soon!
the scene with the lighting of the watchtowers=so epic!
i love lord of the rings.
bye!

ring of fire

i don't even know what to say.
but first of all, i want to say thank you.
i want you to know that.
thank you for teaching me more than any of my teachers at school have ever deigned to
thank you for being there for me, even when i wasn't there for you
thank you for making me laugh
thank you for even trying to understand who i am
and these all are reasons why i can't let go.
i can't be as subtle as you; word it as beautifully and tragically as you.
it truly hurts me that you would just rip me out of your life.
i understand your reasons behind it, but it doesn't give me an ounce of comfort.
how could this even happen?
i'm stunned.
but even now, (and i almost despise you for it) i'm learning:
to not force things. it either happens, or it doesn't.
be sure.
and the most important lesson: that you don't always get what you want; things don't always end the way you wish them to. i'm not talking about fairy-tale fantasies and dreams of castles; the reality of that hit me when i was about ten.
i'm talking about sleeping in the bed that you make. you can't have your cake and eat it too. underneath these sayings, the point is this: sometimes you just have to hurt. hurt so badly you can't breathe, even more so because you know that you could have prevented it; somehow.
this lesson is killing me.

can you feel like the meanest human being ever
and still feel like a huge weight just came off your shoulders
at
the
same
time

i miss bangladesh. when i first came home, i was astounded at the quietness of sucktown, california. where were the sounds of millions of people going about their business at 2 am? (people in bangaldesh sleep really late and get up at 9 or 10) why were the streets empty? why wasn't my food fluorescent yellow with the power to stain any kind of fabric beyond repair? why didn't people constantly ask me questions about american in the most adorable broken english? why wasn't i there, continuing to learn and laugh and sing?

oh bangladesh!

i cried myself to sleep that night.

uganda 2009 maybe?

underground churches in china 2009 maybe?

nepal 2009 maybe?

summer.

wow.
i wish i were deep.
dammit.
i don't have deep deep thoughts anymore.
or, at least i don't type them out.
i tell them to God
and by the time i get to my keyboard they've all left my brain like sand pouring out of a bottle.
twain
donne
knowledge of the holy

edit/
uhh je suis matt (11:19:02 PM): twaindonneknowledge of the holyPosted by the thousandth
uhh je suis matt (11:19:05 PM): are you kidding me
uhh je suis matt (11:19:05 PM): LOL
CSMSkitty (11:23:29 PM): WHAT
CSMSkitty (11:23:32 PM): ARE YOU MOCKING ME?
CSMSkitty (11:23:33 PM): :(
uhh je suis matt (11:23:39 PM): no
uhh je suis matt (11:23:44 PM): but you are obsessed with
uhh je suis matt (11:23:45 PM): english
uhh je suis matt (11:23:47 PM): and i hate it
uhh je suis matt (11:23:48 PM): hahah

haterz=make me sad and emo.
i need to read more now.